Here is it already January 6th, 2010. I've had this enso circle graphic ready to go for about a week now, thinking surely the New Year would inspire me to write something about the emptiness of the circle, and the potential it represents. How the middle part of the circle, when you reverse the field, looks like a ripe peach, full of juicy goodness. So far, I still just feel a sense of the big fat zero. I know I should feel renewed, I should feel hopeful, I should feel energized with the clean slate of a new year, a new decade, etc., etc. But nope, I'm still stuck in the state of zero. Zero motivation, zero optimism, blech, bla, yuck. The same state that ground my ponderings to a nearly complete stop last Fall.
I guess I'll just keep watching and waiting, knowing that everything's impermanent, and that this cycle will work itself out somehow, some time, some where.
To anyone who still wanders by here now and then, I wish you peace and contentment.
Picture of enso circle courtesy www.themiddleway.net
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9 comments:
Hi Theresa, Well just as you commented on my post...sometimes we need the down times to contemplate and to renew. We might not always feel the renewal but I do believe that its happening.... On a side note, I saw the peach and I wanted you to know that you are a peach too! ;-) One of my high school friends is completing his doctorate there in Edmonton and he stumbled across your blog via a search on local food up there and from your blog he connected to options for better food choices. He knew that I knew of you since you link to me on your sidebar. But see? Even if you are feeling at a loss, you are still guiding others....just thought you'd like to know it! Hope you are having a good week :-)
ohhh- well there you go about the whole New Year... today is the Twelfth Day of Yule....
i think sometimes we expect great things externally, when really only small micro shifts will gradually change us.
New Years always seems to invoke for so many some arbitrary time for change, but I always feel much more stagnant during this time- maybe because of the season? I always feel more renewed around Spring... I think it's the Canadian in us- winter is just so bleak.
Many Blessings to you Teresa!
That zero-ness, that too will pass. Happy New Year!!
Hi SA - Well that is a very nice thing to say, thanks! Ya, I just seem to be focussing my energy close to home these days. And wow, those kind of 'small-world' connections really give me goosebumps!
EcoY - I think it is the arbitrariness of New Years that just doesn't do it for me. It seems to have no connection to anything other than that 365/6 days have gone by. And you're right, it's still the depths of winter!
Thank you hadv - I'm counting on it!
Much peach and contententment to you too. The sun is shining here in California and I have to say it's not doing much for my new year enthusiasm. But like you I'm sitting with it all and trusting the change of seasons. Thanks for posting from the empty space.
Katrina - 'peach and contentment' - nice! Sitting with it seems like a reasonable thing to do...I guess I will keep doing it. Thanks to you as welll :)
I think the 'drawing in' is part of winter, especially in our climate. It's the dark time of the year: solstice has come and gone, but it's still not really feeling like things are getting lighter, and the Earth will sleep for a few more months before the green starts to show up.
The way I see it, there's nothin' wrong with joining her in the time of rest. :)
Always, in the winter, I spend more time at home. I tend to feel less sociable, more quiet. Perhaps the key is to find the contentment in that, and not to feel like you *ought* to be doing something different - that 'tyrrany of the ought' gets to us so often, so easily, especially in our busy culture where it seems everyone is 'supposed' to be rushing about doing interesting and exciting things all the time.
The Earth is saying, "it's winter, it's rest time. It's time to let the nutrients soak in and do their work in preparation for the next round of activity ... but don't go rushing off just yet, not yet."
Embrace the peace and quiet, take it as a gift in and of itself, and have faith that even in the quiet times, even when it seems nothing is happening, underneath, things are being prepared for their wonderful and surprising rebirth when the Light and warmth return in full force.
Blessings to you in the silence of the circle. :)
AJC, that is beautiful, just beautiful. I do appreciate the wintertime for its quietness and solitude. I just worry that my 'oomph' won't come back even in the Spring, since it's been gone since the Summer. But you're right, there's no sense in 'should-ing' myself into a tizzy. I will just wait and watch, and do my best to enjoy the waiting and the watching. :)
Maybe its something in the air because I feel just the same. I am happy to accept and a northern Winter but it still doesn't feel quite right. I think it has to do with a kind of Long Winter, one that has little to do with the passing of the seasons and is more about larger cycles. I suspect that's where the feeling of helplessness comes in.
But I suggest trying to get some contact with nature even tho it is much harder in winter, if possible. It's a few days after this post now, is the nicer weather helping?
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