Monday, 5 October 2009

Transition of sorts?

Anyone who has stopped by here lately will know that I've been posting at a much lower rate than usual over the past many months. Partly, this is due to it having been a very busy year, with personal and family health matters impacting the amount of time and energy I've had to write down the things I've been thinking about. It has also been due to having had a very strange gardening season, with more disappointment than promise. But mostly, the dearth of posts has been because I am just sick and tired, and I don't want to be posting rants and complaints all the time. And the moments of inspiration I have are so fleeting that they're gone before I even have the motivation to post about them.

More and more I find that news of what the municipal, provincial and federal governments are doing just disgusts me. And I have to not think about it too much, or I just get mad, or nauseous or both, and can't do what needs doing around here. Back when I first started this blog ~ 2 1/2 years ago, I was able to gain inspiration by what others were doing, and my own first steps on the path to sustainability were so interesting and fun that I was certain it wouldn't be long before the whole world was on board.

But as time has gone by, I've become more disheartened and cynical. Things have gotten worse, not better, in terms of corporate control of almost everything, and complete denial of the climate-related challenges that face humanity. The only time being "green" seems to matter, is if money can be made off of it somehow. Greed taints everything, and I find myself clamming up more and more, because speaking out seems to just piss people off and harden their opinions anyway. More and more I feel like a fish out of water. Maybe I will feel differently again in a few months, I don't know.

So, I am not sure what form this blog will take from here on in. I've got to do some serious thinking about what constitutes right livelihood, and how best to work towards it in a way that I can do long-term. It could mean changing quite a few things. I'm not shutting down this blog, but posts will likely remain few and far between. Thanks to everyone who still pops in now and then - I do very much value your comments and support.


Liz said...

I've missed your posts, Theresa. I hope things come around for you.

B said...

I can totally relate to your frustration. I feel the same way much of the time. I know it's not politically correct to say, but I don't think that there's really anything significant that ordinary people can do to change the course we're on.

I wish I had more comforting words for you, but I do think it is possible to live happily today even if the future is uncertain. And for what it's worth, I enjoy your rants :-)

Anonymous said...

Being a sensitive person in this paradoxical place is quite the ride isn't it. Here are some words from Robert Aitken.

"We are all of us interrelated -- not just people, but animals too, and stones, clouds, trees. We rationalize ourselves into insensitivity about people, animals, and plants, forging manacles of the mind, confining ourselves to fixed concepts of I and you, we and it, birth and death, being and time. This is suffering and distress. Experiencing emptiness is also experiencing peace, and the potential of peace in its unfolding as harmony among all people, animals, plants, and things. This is the Middle Way of Mahayana Buddhism. It is unselfconscious, and so avoids perfectionism.

You and I come forth as possibilities of essential nature, alone and independent as stars, yet reflecting and being reflected by all things. My life and yours are the unfolding realization of total aloneness and total intimacy."

Theresa said...

Thanks Liz, I'm in a bit of a funk and just can't seem to shake it.

Hi B - I know what you're saying, I have a hard time believing that we'll be able to avoid the worst consequences of climate change too. Thinking about it and not thinking about it both give me a headache.

That is a beautiful quote Claire - thank you. It's the interrelationship of all things that is so amazing and so painful at the same time. Sitting with the knowlege that my abundance means someone else's poverty is just brutal.

I haven't given up, I'm just trying to figure a few things out. I will ponder again to post another day....

Beany said...

You said it first...I have been thinking of going on hiatus for a while too. But this post has clarified some things for me. Although I do feel the way you do (things have gotten worse), in some ways I do feel that some things are getting better. Yet at the same time, I feel that nothing has changed besides our individual awareness of things around us.

Apple Jack Creek said...

Ah, it has been a tough year, hasn't it? The weather was really odd and it did make gardening a real challenge. And, you're right, the World At Large seems to be packing itself happily into a handbasket and refusing to look where everything is headed. You feel like you are the only sane one and then you think you must be crazy, because nobody else is worried, so why are you?

I try to focus on the small circle of the world that I *can* do something about: it might be just my little chunk of land, and I might just be working to make it useable/productive for my children (or someone else, who knows?) ... but I will have done my part to make this bit of land into something better than it was when I got here. And, if it all goes in the tank, at least we'll have eggs and meat, even if the garden doesn't do well.

Maybe you should get some chickens. :) Chickens do wonders for a person's cheerfulness, and eggs are good for you! (Even as a vegetarian, you probably eat eggs...?)

The other thing is that this time of year is the season for turning inward. That was something I talked about with my acupuncturist, a very awesome lady in St Albert who I would be happy to share if you are interested ... I find it really settles my spirit.

Take care, do what you need to do ... but please keep posting when you can. I'd miss you if you were silent too long. :)

daharja said...

Hi Theresa - Everyone goes through transition. Take your time.

But know that the world needs you. For every person that disgusts you and depressed you, we need people to light the way and give hope and inspiration. Or there will be no balance, and the greedmongers of the world who cannot see past their own noses will continue to dominate and control.

I think we're at the turn of things. And right now, it is people like us who can make a huge difference.

I also think it is time to go after the big guys - 1: coal, 2: oil, 3: cows. Because for all the changes we make, we're just a drop in the bucket until we change the biggest, hardest changes of all.

Take care, and when you're ready to post, we'll be here.

Daharja (Cluttercut)

Theresa said...

Beany, yes, that's the surreal-ness of it all. It seems that things are better and worse at the same time, but either/both of those things could be just a matter of perception/awareness. I'm finding it very confusing.

AJC - Sane, crazy, worried, yes! What I hear on the news doesn't match with what I read on the back pages of the paper, or on assorted other blogs. One level of government says the recession's over, and another branch says we're in crisis, dammit, and we're going to cut cut cut! It's enough to just shut me down completely, except the bad news just keeps getting through anyway. And yet people go around so happy that the 'worst' is over and they can go back to gorging at the Earth Buffet. I tell you, it really drives me nuts! Thank you for your kind offer of a referral to your acupuncturist. I will mull that over. I do have a massage booked in two days - that should help some.

Daharja, you're right of course. I just need to regroup. I'm trying to get better at being comfortable with discomfort and uncertaintly and this is a good lesson in that. I am so ready for big change and yet so scared of it. And I worry for all those who are not yet worried.

Thanks so much for everyone's kind words. They are comforting indeed.

SoapBoxTech said...

Alberta is certainly a confusing place to be right is Canada itself, to a lesser extent I think. It is easier to feel as though all is well when those of us who can no longer remain asleep know full well that all is NOT well.

I`m hoping the healthy issues you mentioned are sorted out soon.

Let me know if you need an ear or shoulder or something.

Theresa said...

SBT - yes indeed, Alberta is very confusing right now. It seems to have become a parody of what it could be. I fear I will die before seeing a change in government here - I may as well live in a dictatorship for all the good my vote does me.

Thanks for the ear/shoulder offer - that is very kind.

Anonymous said...

Theresa, this too will pass as they say. We all seem to hit this place in our journey towards sustainability. Take your time, know you arent walking the path alone and know that you can, you are, and you will continue to make a difference:)

kale for sale said...

I'm smiling because I also thought when I began blogging that all my friends would come on board and immediately want to start eating local too. I mean once they knew the benefits and all. Not a chance. They're a little curious but wedded to their routines. As am I. And yet change does continue to happen. Some days I can't figure out how. But I do know you've been an inspiration to the small changes I've made. Thank you. Take good care of yourself and I look forward to whenever you have the urge to post, rants and all.

Kiashu said...

I've experienced much the same, but had the distraction of a new career and getting married to help.

All I can say is that profound social change doesn't come in just a few years, but when it does come, it's sooner than you expected.

As I've said before, our efforts are a drop of water in a glass in the dark - at some point it will overflow, but there's no way to know just when. All we can do is drip, drip, drip.

Which is not very exciting or inspiring, but there you go.

Theresa said...

Hi Kyle;

The idea of 'dripping' may not be exciting, but it is comforting actually. And I will just have to accept that a lot of the dripping is done in the dark, and trust that all the drips add up, even if I can't see them. Thanks, that does help.

Anonymous said...

I know how you feel. When I feel that way I just turn inwards towards my home and family and find contentment in the life I'm leading. Sort of a "to heck with the rest of you" attitude. Not good in the long term but restorative in the short term!

But I am an optimist by nature and don't generally buy into the "end of the world" scenarios. The world is in for change and much of it won't be pleasant but at the same time we're in a great part of the world for that as our country stands to gain from climate change, for the most part. And I do think that eventually when the sh*t hits the fan mankind will change their ways. We always find a way to adapt; we just seem to require the proverbial ton of bricks to fall before we do.

Theresa said...

I don't know about Canada benefiting from climate change. It is already much drier here in my part of Alberta - we have been in a drought for the past 7 -10 years or so. Many of the trees in Edmonton's urban forest are dying, it is very sad.