Consumption

I've been thinking about this for a while. Lately my lifestyle has begun to incorporate less consumption of things: less electricity, fewer unncessary purchases, trying to generate less carbon emissions, less (virtually no) meat.

But I've not been able to consume less overall food. I eat way too many carrots, way too much popcorn, and way too much iced tea powder. Not to mention large portions of my meals and assorted bits of chocolate and the odd bowl of ice cream if Gord offers it to me. I'm trying to be this small footprint, anti-consumerism type person, and my whole mantra of moderation just leaves me altogether when it comes to my snacking/eating habits.

It seems like because I'm eating more vegetables now, I think I can just stuff myself with veggies and that my carrot/popcorn/iced tea powder snacks are my "entitlement" because of this.

I read about moderation in the Tao Te Ching and it all sounds good and feels right, and then it's like another brain takes over and I go to the fridge and get something to eat and scarf it down. I need to be more mindful about my eating. Instead I seem to go into a trance or something just before I make a decision about what to eat and then I'm oblivious to everything else when I'm chewing. I don't like that.

I lost about 22 lbs after I was sick with gastroenteritis about two years ago, and I really wanted to keep that weight off. I managed to keep it off for a year or so. I was exercising on the stationery bike fairly regularly then. But then I started eating more and more when my appetite came back fully after about three or four months, and it seemed like I wasn't putting on any weight. I ate more; I excercised less. Now I weigh ten more pounds than I did before I was sick. I am so tired of worrying about how much I weigh. It is a burden to me to think about it all the time. But I know that things don't change unless you change how you do things, so it is up to me to act differently. Sometimes I wish I'd just get sick again, for a couple weeks. This is irrational, but I wish for it anyway.